Bad Self-Image

Everyday since this all began
I’ve looked in the mirror
Not really liking what was seen.

I often wonder if this is some kind of punishment
For something I did
Or something I never did.

Do I not pray enough?
Do I not read the bible enough?
Did I do something that I didn’t atone for?

There are endless possibilities
For why this may have happened.
Maybe it was just something that was meant to be.

Either way I hate it.
How can it be a God given blessing in disguise?
Whatever it is I’m really not that enthusiastic.

I’ve asked God so many times
Why me? Why now?
Will you please fix it? Why not?

I’m doing well at keeping this my secret.
There are few people who know how I feel
And not one of them is in my family.

Since day one I’ve felt this torment
This deep despair of being alone.
Who would want this disease in their life!

I did not ask for this!
I did not ask that my chances
Of having my own family be cut in half!

Oh the endless possibilities of a miracle!
Some divine intervention!
Ask and you will receive, be bold!

Well I have been bold
And nothing has happened.
I`m still unhappy with who I am.

Whenever I look in a mirror
What I see I wish was not me
Or that someday the image will change.