Taking Advice...?

Just be friends, you may regret it after, in the long run.

You know what? I think I would have regreted it in the long run... once I looked at what I thought I wanted I realized that I wanted more then just that, I wanted a true friendship and I didn't really want to ruin that at all. I wanted to just let it grow...

What a load of crap! Well not really I do want that but, there's more to it then just being friends... not that dating will ever happen. I want a guy who will say to me everytime he sees or talks to me that he loves me, that I'm unique, priceless, lovely... and whatever else thats nice. I want to be seen for who I am not what I look like or wear or if I'm popular or not. JUST ME! Me, me, me... Not what they want me to be or what they want me to see. Peer pressures a killer... *sigh* Ha. The desire for love... Its always there in the back of the mind waiting to make life miserable or joyful... To bad its not joyful for me yet...

Despair

The definition of despair…
To lose or abandon hope;
Be or become hopeless.
To lose heart,
Also to abandon oneself
To fate…

To be in despair is like
Having your dreams shattered
To millions of pieces.
This is when you need to be
Wrapped in someone’s arms,
To never again be let go.

Life gets so complicated,
You start doubting things
That you’ve never doubted before
Thinking things that
Were never thought of before.
Doing things that you regret.

It makes you feel
Like the outsider looking in
Through a bullet proof window
And no matter how much
You pound on it
No one can hear you inside...

Feelings of Distance/Indifference

So I've been thinking about life. My life. And I got to realizing that I've been falling away from everyone... I'm not quite sure if its that I'm not be more open or the other way around. Anyways, lately I've been feeling alone and worthless, and nothing seems to help either. I feel like an outsider looking in through a small window, banging away so that someone might hear or notice that I'm actually here. I know this is probably all in my head because Satan wants it there and knows that it hurts, so he keeps attacking these known tender spots. The fact that I'm listening to Zero by Hawk Nelson isn't helping either, but I like the song. *sigh* Well I'm kind of tired and mom's yelling at me to get off...

Job 38:1-7

38:1 Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind:
38:2 “Who is this who darkens counsel
with words without knowledge?
38:3 Get ready for a difficult task like a man;
I will question you
and you will inform me!
God’s questions to Job
38:4 “Where were you
when I laid the foundation of the earth?
Tell me, if you possess understanding!
38:5 Who set its measurements – if you know –
or who stretched a measuring line across it?
38:6 On what were its bases set,
or who laid its cornerstone –
38:7 when the morning stars sang in chorus,
and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

You've got to read the whole thing. It puts you in your place fast! :) It shows God awesome power and creation. Job is a good book to read.

Feeling Invisible Sometimes

Sometimes it feels
Like I'm talking
But no one seems
To want to listen
To what I have to say,
About my opinions,
My hopes and dreams.
It's like I've turned invisible
As soon as I open my mouth...

Voices Around Me

All these voices surround me
With hope, love, fear, pain.
The lonely sounds of night,
Comforting whispers among the wind.
The loud voices of the waves crashing
Against the side of the high cliffs.
In all these voices
Is the faint sound of a whisper,
Hidden beneath even the wind.
It cries out for a listening ear,
But it is drowned out by other voices
Swarming around me.
This voice is my own,
Faintly crying for some listening ear,
Asking about hope...
Asking about love...
Asking how to overcome fear
And destroy the pain.
But I am swarmed with voices,
Unable to voice the questions
That fill up my mind...