Feelings of Loneliness and Whatever Else

So today hasn't been that great of a day... I really don't know what I'm feeling but I'm on the verge of crying everything all out again like I did Wednesday night, late at night. I don't know really what I was crying about, everything probably... I just let it all out. It was silent crying, not the full out bawling, but enough that in the morning I had a headache. I felt good right after that though, I think I fell straight to sleep. No one was awake then either so it was just me and God talking, well mostly me talking and asking the usual questions and some new ones. I miss you guys and hanging out together... this really sucks that you guys are at camp most of the summer, if not, all summer. We don't get to do things together, like camping for a weekend or something because you guys are so tried and need to build up your strength for the next week... I wish I had gotten more weeks at camp but being late and all I can't really do anything about that can I?
Emotions are just rolling through me... Injustice, sorrow, anger, jealousy (don't know why), loneliness, fear (of what?!), shame, worthlessness, and so many more that I don't have a name for... they're just sweeping through me in big waves and any minute I'm going to fall to pieces. I think this has been building up for a few days now already too. Yippy, while all my relatives from Ontario are here I'll have an emotional break down from something I can't even discover. I think I got the injustice, sorrow, and anger ones pinned down, but why all these other emotions? Its all bunching up and this can't be a good thing. To just explode! I'm trying to get it out a little at a time but it isn't working very well, you can't really comfort yourself. Really, what am I doing to myself?! I can seriously hurt myself if I do this, but its almost like I want to just crush my spirit, to make it wither and die! What am I thinking?! Guys I'm really having problems, right now, but I really don't know what they all are, I want to find out everything before I start to sort this all out, I have to sort out whats what. I found a song that describes what I feel in some ways...

Imperfections- Skillet

You’re worth so much
It’ll never be enough
To see what you have to give
How beautiful you are
Yet seem so far from everything
You’re wanting to be
You’re wanting to be

Tears falling down again
Tears falling down

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you’re drowning
In your imperfection

You mean so much
That heaven would touch
The face of humankind for you
How special you are
Revel in your day
You’re fearfully and wonderfully made
You’re wonderfully made

Tears falling down again
Come let the healing begin

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you’re drowning
In your imperfection

You’re worth so much
So easily crushed
Wanna be like everyone else
No one escapes
Every breath we take
Dealing with our own skeletons, skeletons

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you’re drowning
In your imperfection

Won’t you believe, yeah
Won’t you believe, yeah
All the things I see in you

You’re not the only one
You’re not the only one
Drowning in imperfection


At least the chorus does...