My Thoughts On My Life

So this is what I think about when I focus on my life and where its going to take me... My first thought is how far I have come in such a short time. Just think of all you have accompished in your life so far and all the things you regret doing in the first place but thought it would be cool to do, like lie or have a relationship with someone you know is not right for you. I can't say I've never made mistakes, there has been SO MANY that I can't even COUNT or RECALL them all, but I know I made mistakes, big and small. The second thought is how far am I willing to go for the things that I want to pursue, am I willing to leave my family so far behind, to just detach them for my life for a year as I go off to bible college in Ireland. Do I want to be what I think I want to be, am I ready for this step, and I have such a short time to make my decsion (one year basically). Will it all be worthwhile or just a waste of time that I could have used for something better. Thirdly, what does my heart truly desire in life. Some conclusions about this that have sprung to mind are; a lover, children of my own, a relationship with God that is so powerful nothing can shake it, and a relationship with my family that is deep and binding. There are other thoughts that race through my mind at lightening speed, like, Is my heart truly set on God? Do I listen to my heart and not my mind? and How can I learn to listen with my heart and soul when I have used the mind over heart theory for so long? Life is an adventure, you take one step and you can't go back only forward to an uncertain future, to places you never knew you could go... Taking the step to accept God and to trust and believe in Him, is one huge step and its journey takes you on many different roads with twist and turns (sorrow, happiness, pain, restoration, eternal life, heaven, betrayal, laughter, anguish, joy, rejection, acception). But everything seems to be balanced between the good things and the bad things, even though we tend to focus on the negative things more often than the positive things, which are way more important and bring us joy and happiness. Like take a minute to think, and really think, about all the awesome things that have happened all your life, then think of all the pain and anguish. Which is better to focus on? What do you like more, the pain? Or the happiness and joy? I would rather focus on the good things, but Satan wants to prevent that by causing us to think of our pain instead. Well don't let him win the battle. Trust in God for He is our strength in times of trouble, He knows our destiny, He is the Director behind the scenes of our life!

My Feelings in a Song

So yesterday I wrote this song (its not quite perfected) and I thought like "wow this is exactly how I feel"! I had written a song on how I felt at that moment about God and the biggest change in my life for the past year! So these are the lyrics but I think they need a little bit more work in some areas but its a start...

Lean on You (Alleluia oh Lord)

Since he's been gone I've never been the same,
Since he's left this place everything has changed.
All the doors of happiness, they are closing in my face.
I don't know what to do, but to lean on you.

Chorus
When I lean on you I
I can feel your arms around me.
When I lean on you Lord,
I can feel you right here.
Alleluia oh oh,
Alleluia oh Lord.
Alleluia oh oh,
Alleluia oh Lord.
Alleluia oh Lord.

He cannot comfort me anymore, but you're still here,
He cannot hold me close to keep me safe and warm.
When I am lost you are there to lead me home,
When I fall down you are there to pick me up again.

You have come to change my heart forever Lord,
My eyes have been opened to a world I've never seen before.
I see your light shine everywhere in people around me.
Help me to show, help me to be more like them.

Opening To True Friends

This weekend had to be the most intense weekend I've ever had! It was so awesome how we all opened up to one another and listened to each others struggles and dark secrets, it help to lighten such a burden from us all. It amazing to know that now I have people to turn to when I need help and to share my feelings about life and its ever present struggles. Like seriously, I wouldn't know what to do without all of you, my greatest friends, people that I know well but am still learning everyday something new and amazing, things that I would never imagine to find in life. If I didn't have you guys as friends I would probably be so depressed right now that I would shut myself away from the world and eventually die of non-existence in the world, of such seclusion. Sometimes I feel scared of what we all shared, like what will happen after we go our separate way in life, will we lose touch or continue on even with the distances? Well I certainly hope that we will never lose touch and that we will always be there for each other when we are having our bad days.