Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Love Letter from God

My Child…


“You may not know me, but I know everything about you… I know when you sit down and when you rise up… I am familiar with all your ways… Even the very hairs on your head are numbered… For you were made in my image… In me you live and move and have your being… For you are my offspring… I knew you even before you were conceived… I chose you when I planned creation… You were not a mistake… For all your days are written in my book… I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live… You are fearfully and wonderfully made… I knit you together in your mother’s womb… And brought you forth on the day you were born… I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me… I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love… And it is my desire to lavish my love on you… Simply because you are my child and I am your Father… I offer you more than your earthly father ever could… For I am the perfect Father… Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand… For I am your provider and I meet all your needs… My plan for your future has always been filled with hope… Because I love you with an everlasting love… My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore… And I rejoice over you with singing… I will never stop doing good to you… For you are my treasured possession… I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul… And I want to show you great and marvellous things… If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me… Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart… For it is I who gave you those desires… I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine… For I am your greatest encourager… I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles… When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you… As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart… One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes… And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth… I am your Father and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus… For in Jesus my love for you is revealed… He is the exact representation of my being… And He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you… And to tell you that I am not counting your sins… Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled… His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you… I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love… If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me… And nothing will ever separate you from my love again… Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen… I have always been Father and will always be Father… My question is… Will you be my child?… I am waiting for you…”


Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

The Real Fear

Now I know what true fear is...

Its waking up in the morning

Knowing that you've made a mistake;

Knowing that you can't turn back the time.

Its finding the pain unbearable,

Its Something gnawing from inside.

It makes you numb...

Unable to move, to get away

From its danger and malice.

Friday, May 09, 2008

So Long, Farewell (Til Next Time)

It all went so fast;
It was not strong enough to last.
The times come and now its gone.
Now its time to say one last thing,
So long, farewell!
This pain will subside in time.

Chorus:

You’ve gone and left, but I’m still here.
Broken and fragile til next year.
I knew it would not last,
I guess its goodbye til next time.

Now my heart is like stained glass,
Broken in pieces on your floor,
Cast like dirt upon the shore.
Now its time to say one last thing,
So long, farewell!
This pain will last only a time.

The seasons come and they go;
Leaves fall down and so do I.
No ones there to catch my fall.
I guess now its time to say,
So long, farewell!
This pain subsides only with time.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Broken

My heart is broken.
Can’t I end this life?
Today seems to go by slow,
And my heart is feeling so numb.
I walk around with this blank expression,
I can feel my defences rising
As I draw into myself, pulling away.

The doors are closing now.
There is no vacancy left,
Even when there are empty rooms.
This heart can take no more.

Its been told in so many ways
There is nothing there that’s worth the effort.
Nothing to chase after.
Nothing that is captivating or exciting.
I have nothing to offer it seems,
So why place myself out there
Only to be pushed around and trampled on?

There is nothing left to offer
So I’ll just give this up and move on
With my tattered and broken heart.

Tiffany Kennedy

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Seek Not My Heart


I like how this poem flows and fits together... and I have to agree with it right now.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

FMP!!

My FMP journey started with the really quiet drive to Regina. I am not joking about the really quiet part either. Our group was almost completely dead silent. I do not know what it is but once I get into a vehicle and there is a long journey ahead I just sit and look out the window or sleep, I rarely talk while travelling. So this drive was no different, they only people talking were Walter and Nick in the front seats. Long drives give me time to think through some things that are bothering me or to prepare myself for whatever I am about to do. So I was preparing myself for Regina for half the time and the other half of the time I was sorting through so complicated thoughts that had been bugging me since the beginning of the week.
Healing Hearts building once used to be a penitentiary for boys a several years ago. Our leader, Walter, also told us that it used to be a lab for something. I can’t remember if it had to do with biochemical’s or the assembling of important machinery. So the walls were fairly thick and had steal re-enforcement, and the windows were three paned. After our tour and orientation, Walter had the guys take down the ducting in the church sanctuary, then after settling in we all went to bed to be ready for a full day of work.
Morning came and during breakfast we did a quick devotion and group prayer for the day to go well and that our group would have unity in our work. We usually did this every morning, sometimes we would after supper. I did not mind the work that we were doing but sometimes there was not much for us girls to do and we began to sit around doing nothing, taking naps, reading the bible, making meals, etc. Making meals together was fun, we agreed on how to cook everything, like the perogies and Mennonite style sausage. It was to bad that I started the tea towel on fire when getting the vegetables of the stove.
The things I learned about myself this past week are that sometimes I can adjust or respond quickly to the needs of the work we were doing, but sometimes I didn’t do so as well. I also learned that when I want to get something done, I’ll try hard not to let those around me bring me down when they are not helping with what needs to be done, even if it was a small job. This experience taught me that I do have an abundant gift of mercy and I am a very forgiving person, not that I did not know this before. I understand that I really cannot stay angry at a person for more then ten minutes and that I have a compassion on those who‘s lives are so screwed up that they turn to other things to help them through.
The youth pastor, Spurgeon, took us on a walk down some back alleys and the Stroll. He talked to us about how kids of around the age of eight or ten would set fire to the dumpsters because they are in so much pain from being sexually abused that they used this as an outlet of their pain and anger. Spurgeon also pointed out the spray painted gang signs on the dumpsters, shed doors/walls, and many other surfaces.
Then there was the Stroll and the prostitutes and the saddening stories of how they ended up on the streets. Most of the time pimps would promise girls a good time and usually get them hooked on the life of being a prostitute. Sometimes the girls left because of problems or situations at home and didn’t want to be there anymore and pimps took advantage of these situations. I felt sorry for the families that had to deal with the loss of their daughter/sister to this life style.
When I heard Kevin’s testimony-- he is part of the Love Is Here ministry-- before we got on the Love Bus, it made me think about my brother-in-law, Marty, and how screwed up his life is right now. Kevin talked about how he used to be a drug dealer and how one day he was “hit by the bus”. He had gone through so much and he was getting sick of the life he was living, he had been shot at and probably beaten up a few times. Kevin wanted a change and he got on the Love Bus for the first time one night. He had seen the bus before and knew what the people were all about. That night he gave his life to God and his addictions too. He was changed instantly. This made me wish that my sister’s husband could have an experience like that. Life altering. The Love Bus was an amazing experience that I would gladly do over again.
I knew that dry walling the ceiling of the church was going to be a great blessing to it’s family. The heating bill would not be so high because of the loss of heat through the unfinished ceiling. Now that it is all done the heat will stay inside for everyone to enjoy. But, while dry walling I felt that we could have been doing other things that I felt were more important to the community, the “urban reserve”. We could have been helping out at soup kitchens or shelters, the Salvation Army. Working along side other ministries, making house calls so that we could have learned more about the Native culture.
I remember hearing from one of those working with Love Is Here that there are a lot of spiritual superstitions that the Native people believed. There is one that I learned along time ago about the northern lights. There is a reserve called Big Island, near Meadow Lake, that believes that if you whistle or even look at the northern lights the spirits will come and take you away. I had been there for an event that Bethel Gospel Camp had thrown together and the northern lights were out that night. But, it would have been interesting to see if that superstition was only held by that reserve and not by others.
It would have been interesting to hear about other things that they believed as well. I guess that not much of the superstitious beliefs would have held in an urban reserve situated in Regina, where there is crime, prostitution, gangs, drug abuse, drug dealing, alcohol abuse, all kinds of abuse most likely everyday. One thing that some of us, me included, were surprised about was the fact that there was gangs and prostitution in Regina. I thought that prostitution happened in places like Vancouver, Ottawa, and Toronto. I would have never thought of Regina as one of those places.
Another thing I experienced on the Love Bus was the openness the group had with each other and us, complete strangers. They shared stories with us about how they had reached out to those that came onto the bus and how years later they hear about that person and that they had made it off the streets and into a better life style. I was so encouraged to see how they interacted with the prostitutes, pimps, gang members, drug addicts, etc. They had such compassion for them, they did not judge them for what they did, they just talked with them and gave them donuts and something hot to drink. If the conversation or the Holy Spirit moved in the direction of sharing the Gospel with those people they followed without hesitation. Before we had left they had prayed that God would bring people to the bus, people that they could reach out to and touch with His loving mercy and share His Son’s salvation story. It was a blessing to just sit and watch what was going on around me. I played some guitar with one of the ladies at the back and taught her some chords. She has just began learning guitar.
After having the dry wall completed, there was such an emotion of satisfaction and joy that we has finished and had done a really good job as well. We had endured long tiring, sweaty, itchy, and dirty days of work that it felt so good to be done. Walter showed his appreciation by having us over for pizza, wings, and either a movie or Rock Band. We played Rock Band for most of the evening with his three teenagers.
The ride home was just as quiet as the ride there. Everyone was really tired and almost instantly fell asleep. I stared out the window thinking about the week we had and then decided to read my book. We stopped to help a native couple with their van-- it was making a weird clunking noise so we followed them to the next town and the repair shop there. We were encouraged to see and hear that they were Christians. They have a license plate on the front of their van that said “Jesus”. So we prayed for them and that they would get to their destination quickly and safely. I could see that they were grateful for our stopping to help them out. Soon we were back at school and ready to see and talk to everyone else. To hear their stories.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Some 'Hit Home' Lyrics

Shine Your Light On Us- Robbie Seay Band

Verse 1:
Oh, my God
Shine Your light on us
That we might live (repeat)

Verse 2:
I've been holding on
I've been holding on
All that is inside me
Screams to come back home

Chorus
If you feel lost
If you feel lost
Sing along
If you feel tired
If you feel tired
Sing along
If you feel lost and tired
This is your song (repeat second time)

Verse 3:
I've been broken down
I've been broken down
I ain't giving up
Love will come back around (Chorus 2x, repeat last 2 lines 2nd time)

Verse 1
Chorus 2x,

TagTag:
Shine Your light
Shine it down
Let Your rescue come for us, we long to love
And if you feel lost, sing along
And if you feel tired, sing along



This is a sweet new band I was introduced to this past weekend and I love them. They are really good! I like all the songs on the CD and that rarely ever happens! Its sweet!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Poems

Ok so I was looking through some old/new poems I wrote today and thought that I would post some of them, so you people would somewhat know how I've been feeling lately.

Despair

The definition of despair…
To lose or abandon hope;
Be or become hopeless.
To lose heart,
Also to abandon oneself
To fate…

To be in despair is like
Having your dreams shattered
To millions of pieces.
This is when you need to be
Wrapped in someone’s arms,
To never again be let go.

Life gets so complicated,
You start doubting things
That you’ve never doubted before
Thinking things that
Were never thought of before.
Doing things that you regret.

It makes you feel
Like the outsider looking in
Through a bullet proof window
And no matter how much
You pound on it
No one can hear you inside...

Doubts and Dreams

Millions of thoughts go through my mind
As I think deeply about how long this may last.
How long will you be around, with me?
Why am I not fine when I say I am?
How do I know you are lying to me?

Sometimes I wish for you to be mine forever,
To give me the things I want or need.
I mean this when I say it, I LOVE YOU!
I miss you more then anyone in this world.
Life comes once, lets spend it together.

I need a guy who says I’m BEAUTIFUL,
Who calls back when I hang up,
Who stays awake just to watch me sleep.
I need a guy who kisses my forehead,
Who holds my hand in any circumstance.

This guy must also remind me constantly
Of how much he cares about me,
And about how lucky he truly is.
He must put aside the judgment of his friends
And be proud of who I am.